What I Wish Someone Would Have Had the GUTS to Tell Me...

I was talking to Michelle today, and she was telling me that she was going to write up a post about what she wished she knew about motherhood before she became a mother. I told her I was in the middle of writing something similar. So, I'm going to go ahead and write mine, and she'll write hers, and then we'll have to compare. I bet a lot of it will be the same....

It probably goes without saying, but none of this really matters in the end. I would sign up for motherhood all over again (and plan on it--probably two more times anyway). There's a LOT of warm fuzzies that come with motherhood too, but this post is not about those. Just know that I am being a little cynical, a little crazy, and it's all for the point of keeping it real. So, with that said, here's a list.

1. I wish I had known just how much patience kids require. If I had known, I would have invented a machine that could bottle up all of the patience I had ever used in my lifetime so that I would have some on reserve for the times when my "motherly patience" was wearing thin. That way, today when Luke pooped on the floor (not in one spot, but FOUR SPOTS on the carpet), I would have smiled sweetly at him and said in a sing-song voice, "you silly baby, we're not supposed to blow out of our diapers in four different spots" instead of clenching my teeth as I scrubbed and scrubbed.

2. Why didn't any of you have the guts to tell me that I would never sleep again??? Yes, you all smiled and told me at my baby shower, "get all the sleep you can now, darling, cuz' once that baby comes you won't get much sleep anymore". But you said it so nicely that I let it go in one ear and out the other. Not one of you took my shoulders and screamed it at me so that I knew you meant business. Nobody said, "YOU WILL NEVER, and I mean, NEVER, sleep AGAIN!!!!!!!" I thought that once I got my baby sleeping through the night, that would be it. Nope. Once your "baby" is sleeping through the night, you've got a new infant that isn't. Then, when you think that baby is sleeping through the night, you've got a preschooler who wets the bed, and another infant who isn't. Do you see the cycle here??? So, when you say, "get all the sleep you can now", you weren't saying to just take a nap here and there. What you were really saying was, "go to sleep right now, and don't wake up again for the next five years" right??

3. Along with the invention of Patience in a Bottle, I wish I had also invented a Mute Your Child button on a Mommy Remote. Yes, I did not know that the very word "MOMMY!!" could irritate me so. At the end of the day, when "mommy" has had to do a GAzillion different things, that word (or title) can be a little annoying. Sometimes, I want to change my name, but then again, what's the point of that? That word would just become annoying too. HAHA!

4. I wish someone told me that my hearing would change. I believe that mom's have the same kind of hearing as dogs. You know how dogs can hear things that the human ear can't? Well, it is my opinion that mom's can hear things that our husband's can't. He's programmed to sleep, I am programmed to hear every single, teeny-tiny, itty-bitty, squeak that my children make. This new "change" in hearing isn't all it's cracked up to be in the superhero comics. Super Hearing = Super Tired. I guess I should just say now: refer back to #2. The end.

5. I guess it's not the end, because I forgot to mention one more thing. You know how vacations used to be relaxing??? Ummm, no longer. When you vacation with children, routines get changed, car seats have to be transferred, and missed naps = cranky kids. So, you have to make room for those--even when it's inconvenient.

Well, I guess that's all I've got time for today. To those of you who haven't had the opportunity of being in the mother-way just yet, you've been warned. To others, can I get an Amen?! Oh, and I guess one of these days I'll have a post full of those warm fuzzies for you. But until then, oh wait-- never mind, my children are calling me...