Testimony

It's late, and I ought to get to bed. But, I needed to write this down before I forget to do so. I don't think I have yet recorded this, if I have, I apologize.

A few weeks ago, Joshua bore his testimony for the first time. He had been wanting to for a while, but I told him that we needed to prepare for it for a while longer. It was important for me that he did it on his own without me "giving" him the words on the stand. I wanted it to truly be his testimony, in every sense. So, we talked a little about what a testimony is. I asked him what he had learned to be true concerning the gospel, and what it was that he wanted others to know. He told me that he wanted to say two things. 1. that Jesus loves him, and 2. that he knows Heavenly Father sent him to earth. So, on fast Sunday, he went up there (Mercedes and I also went) and he wanted to go first. He spoke a little loudly, which made everyone chuckle a little, and I think that made him nervous, but he went on to finish. He said exactly those two things and then closed in our Savior's name. It was a sweet testimony, and it was his testimony. It was really heart-warming for me as his mother to watch and be apart of. I guess it's times like that when you want to declare to everyone, "hey, that's my son. Did you see my son?" Is it proper to talk about pride and testimony in the same blog?? He teaches me so much.

My Grandpa Peterson will probably pass away this week. He's lived a good, long life and is ready to go home. I can't help but be excited for him, he's going home to our Heavenly home. Though I will miss him, I'm excited for him also.

My mom told me that he goes in and out of consciousness, but that sometimes he lets you know he can hear you by a squeeze of the hand or a wink of an eye. All of his posterity had been by my parent's home (which is where he is living out the remainder of his days), to bid him their own goodbye's. I, being in Ohio, feared that I would be unable to do so in time. I wanted to talk to him via the internet, but feared I would be unable of controlling my tears in order to do so. Today I decided that I did want to speak with him regardless and I called my mom. She put me on speakerphone and held it up to him. I told him of the fine memories I had of him. I told him how I remembered some advice he had given me about boys... Years ago, he had called me into the other room, telling me that he had something important to talk to me about. This was when his battle with Parkinson's disease was beginning to weaken his vocal cords, and I think he knew that the time was soon at hand when he'd be unable to adequately give his grandkids the advice he had wanted us to hear. So, he called me in. He told me to not settle for less than I deserved...that I was a fine, beautiful young lady and that he loved me. Though it probably wasn't the main point he had wanted me to gain from the conversation, I mostly remember how he told to wear my hair down. He said I had beautiful hair and I shouldn't wear it up in a bun. Boys like long, flowing hair. I thought that was funny. And, he turned out to be right (as far as my husband is concerned). Jon Mark has, on more than one occasion, expressed to me his fondness for my long, flowing hair. I told Grandpa that I loved him, and that I wished I could be there to give him a kiss. Then, I told him that I wanted him to be there to welcome me home when the time came for me to go home to Heaven. My mom said that immediately when I said that, he opened his eyes and said, "I will!" That was very touching to me.

In moments where I catch a stronger glimpse of the eternal perspective of life, I can't help but feel a greater resolve to be better. Sometimes, when a loved one has died, or is close to dieing, the veil between our world and our Heavenly home seems less of a barrier. It's times like this when I wonder why it's difficult for me to share the gospel, or to live a higher standard. I wonder why I can't always feel as I do in those moments, so that I can truly see life as it really is--our temporary home. I go away from those moments feeling so strengthened. But, with time, I find myself forgetting just how close heaven is and I have earthly struggles again, and I suppose that's why the veil is there. Life would be much easier, and the testing much more easily managed if only we could see with our spiritual eyes all of the time. Nevertheless, I am thankful for the moments of which I am speaking, because I come away feeling so strengthened, so loved by our Heavenly Father, and much at peace because I have a new knowledge that He is in control and that it is all apart of His beautiful plan. All of us have important roles in His plan and He is aware of each of us. I won't go into specifics on here, I think I've said what it necessary to show an attempt to describe all that I am feeling. I'm not sure if a blog is the ideal place to write such tender thoughts anyway.

But, I do know Heaven is close. I do know that we have unseen angels helping us along our earthly journey. And, I do know that the gospel is true.

I've started a new tradition a few months ago about having lay-by's with my children once or twice a month. Lay-by's from my own childhood are some of my fondest memories. With my kids, I climb into their beds with them after we've read stories and said prayers, and I tell them that they can have two stories. One can be about Jon Mark or I from when we were growing up, but the other has to be a story about Jesus. Joshua wanted to hear how Jon Mark and I met and he wanted to hear about when Jesus died. Grandma Brockman passed away recently, and now my Grandpa, so death is on his mind. So, after lay-by's, Joshua looked up at me and said, "Mom, did you know that when we die, we won't be old anymore?" I believe in the resurrection, and I am thankful for it.

It's even later now, and I am tired. I will bid all a good night. Love, Ralae