As I carefully prepared his backpack the night before the big day, I couldn't help but feel a little twinge of sadness tug at my heartstrings. My mind was overloaded with "what if" scenarios. Like, what if he doesn't know how to work his belt and he has to go potty? What if he gets lost in the shuffle and doesn't know who he can trust to direct him safely? What if he doesn't know how to open his pudding cup? Suddenly, I realized that I wasn't going to be there to help him undo his belt. I wasn't going to be there to show him where to line up for the bus. I wasn't going to be at his lunch table to help him open his pudding or applesauce. A part of my role in his life would be replaced by a teacher. I wanted to write him a note to stick in his lunch box to let him know that I missed him and was thinking about him. I wanted to write him a note to let my big kindergartner know that even though I wasn't with him, I was anxiously waiting for him to return to me to let me know how his day was. But, then I remembered he didn't know how to read. So, instead I made him the yummiest lunch that I could, along with a little package of cookies; and I hoped that by doing so, that message would somehow be conveyed to him.
I knew he was ready to go, even if I wasn't. Truthfully, I'm not sure that I'd ever be truly ready. How could I be? He's so much fun to be around. Being his mom has been such a blessing to me. He amazes me in so many ways. And, although he pretty much growled at his teacher the first time he met her, she will soon find out how lucky she is that he is in her class. I heard once of the irony that a mother's arms are designed to hold only to learn how to let go. Isn't that the truth?! In moments when I am just missing him, I have to remind myself of this. Little by little, I must let him go. Little by little I teach him how to be independent and successful. Kindergarten, I suppose, is just another baby step in that process that began six years ago.
At the bus stop there was a big, furry dog. Joshua and the other kids weren't to keen on it. Luke pretty much climbed up Jon Mark's back up to his shoulders to get away from it.
Here we are walking to come pick him at the bus stop. We had been swimming and I made sure to take a quick shower and throw on some clothes so that he wouldn't be sad that he missed out.
He was so happy after school. He told me how much fun it was. He said that he sits by a really, really pretty girl who talks to him all the time while he is trying to get his work down. He said that he loves lunch and recess, but he hasn't found any learning subjects that he loves yet... hopefully, that changes over time. He loves his class and his teacher. He was excited to go back the next day.
Mercedes, Luke and Hannah miss their big brother and they love to walk to the bus stop with me. If only it wasn't so hot.
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