Scripture Study

I came across a talk given by Melvin J. Ballard the other day, it's called, "The Cost". I had heard it or read it before, but some new parts really stood out to me.

The other night as I went to bed I found myself in one of those sentimental moods--not necessarily the good warm-fuzzy kind, but the "my kids are growing up too fast/I need to be a better mom/what if I can't protect them from everything/what if I'm not able to hang on to every little thing they do or say/they're slipping through my fingers/how can I possibly give them all of the one-on-one attention they deserve" kind of sentimental (or crazy). I think I covered everything.

Basically, I couldn't sleep because of all of these thoughts, and so I trotted back down the stairs and made Jon Mark listen to me talk/cry all of my feelings out.

Bleh.

The next morning things were clearer to me. I think sleep deprivation was mostly to blame, you know how it is having a newborn and all. Through all of my more recent trials, when I feel as though I may be falling short, one phrase from this talk keeps coming back to me:

"Oh, in that moment when he might have saved his Son, I thank him and I praise him that he did not fail us, for he had not only the love of his Son in mind, but he also had love for us."

It's been several days since I had reread the talk and yet that phrase still lingers. I wondered why. I feel, perhaps, that the spirit is trying to remind me that my Heavenly Father loves me as his child--because I am his child. And, because I am his, he not only knows my struggles, but he knows how to help me overcome them. He loves me so much, that yes, he did send his only begotton Son to die for, not only myself, but for all of his children. He sent his Son so that we might know true happiness. He sent his Son so that we might have the ability to be with our loved ones again. He sent his Son so that we might be able to come back into his presence. And, he sent his Son to show us how to live.

The Cost:

"I ask you, what father and mother could stand by and listen to the cry of their children in distress, in this world, and not render aid and assistance? I have heard of mothers throwing themselves in to raging streams when they could not swim a stroke to save their drowning children, rushing into burning buildings to rescue those whom they loved.
We cannot stand by and listen to those cries without it touching our hearts. The Lord has not given us the power to save our own.. He has given us faith, and we submit to the inevitable, but he had the power to save, and he loved his Son, and he could have saved him...
...In the case of our Father, the knife was not stayed, but it fell, and the life's blood of his Beloved Son went out. His Father looked on with great grief and agony over his Beloved Son, until there seems to have come a moment when even our Savior cried out in despair: 'My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?'

In that hour I think I can see our dear Father behind the veil looking upon these dying struggles until even he could not endure it any longer; and, like the mother who bids farewell to her dying child, has to be taken out of the room, so as not to look upon the last struggles, so he bowed his head, and hid in some part of his universe, his great heart almost breaking for the love that he had for his Son. Oh, in that moment when he might have saved his Son, I thank him and praise him that he did not fail us, for he had not only the love of his Son in mind, but he also had love for us.

I rejoice that he did not interfere, and that his love for us made it possible for him to endure to look upon the sufferings of his Son and give him finally to us, our Savior and our Redeemer.

Without him, without his sacrifice, we would have remained, and we would never have come glorified into his presence. And so this is what it cost, in part, for our Father in Heaven to give the gift of his Son unto men."

(Melvin J. Ballard, Sermons and Missionary Services of Melvin Joseph Ballard, comp. Bryant S. Hinckley [Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1949], pp. 153–55).