Mother's Day Book

I had been wanting to write a book about motherhood for quite sometime.  I'm not sure why, but I did, and I wanted my sister to take pictures for it.  I wanted the book to be almost universal to mothers and women everywhere.  So, I asked a few mothers around me to sum up their feelings on motherhood--the cons, the pros, and anything else--and then I took those ideas and turned them into an essay on motherhood.  Some ideas came from a poem I wrote for my sister in law, Michelle.  The experience around writing that poem was spiritual for me.  My sister in law has a son that went home to Heaven two years ago.  One night I had a dream that I was talking to Michelle and I told her in my dream that I wanted to talk about Gavin.  She asked me what about Gavin I had wanted to talk about, and I replied "his cuteness".  So, in my dream all of the cute things Gavin did started to fill my mind.  When I awoke, I had to quickly grab a pen because I had the beginnings of a poem in my head that just sort of appeared.  As I started to write, the words just kept coming to me--it was almost effortless on my part, because the words were coming to me almost instantly.  And, I knew that I couldn't take the credit, the poem came from a higher source.  I don't know if I had the experience because Michelle needed to hear the words, or if I needed the experience myself, but it was a wonderful experience for me nonetheless. 

I think that the words are applicable to all women who are caregivers to children, not necessarily just mothers.  It's a celebration of womanhood.

Anyway, so I wrote a book.  My sisters and I gave it to my mom for Mother's Day.  Below are the words to the book.  It's called, I Knew I was a Mother...

When sticky kisses made me smile and when pudgy hands always seemed to find mine, I knew I was a mother.  When looking into your wide eyes, I was able to catch a glimpse into the magic of imagination, I knew I was a mother...
When one moment I was seen as Mary Poppins, and the next I was seen as the Wicked Witch of the West, I knew I was a mother...
When I no longer had the luxury of being afraid of the dark, and when a kiss could heal a skinned knee, I knew I was a mother...
When I felt your heart break and I wished that I could take it all away...
When I prayed so sincerely that the Lord watch over you and protect you, that He would keep you safe until you were in my arms again, I knew I was a mother...
When suddenly the most important thing to do in the moment was to bandage an elbow that wasn't bleeding, or to get down on my hands and knees and growl, I knew I was a mother.
When I ate the only piece of burnt toast, or went without milk because there wasn't enough for both of our bowls of cereal...
When I realized that I was a cheerleader, a coach, an ally, and a listening ear all at the same time...
I knew I was a mother.
Sometimes it meant being unpopular.
Sometimes I had to say no.
Sometimes it felt almost easy.
And other times I had to find the will to endure.
Loving you meant hurting when you hurt...
Being strong when you needed to be strong...
Holding on when I didn't think I could, and knowing when to let you go.
Being your mother meant seeing the best in you.
It meant helping you do that which you felt you couldn't.
Sometimes it was lonely, and other times I felt I didn't have a moment alone.
Time moved too quickly.  It's funny how time sped up as I watched you grow.
I found myself wanting to savour every embrace, to hold onto every smile, to remember every lullaby, and to cherish all of the moments in between.
Sometimes in the quiet dark hours, I held you while you slept.  I stroked your face and I marveled at how perfect you were.  In those quiet moments, I knew I needed you as much as you needed me...
It made me want to laugh and cry at the same time, but neither seemed appropriate so I just held you close. 
When I knew I would have given my life for yours, I knew I was a mother.

(On the back cover, I wrote this poem, some lines also came from another poem I wrote for Michelle.  That poem also came to me through a rather spiritual experience as well.  I guess that's why I included some of those lines again.  I wrote them for Gavin.  So, I hope she doesn't mind that I put some of it in here as well.)

The first time ever I held you, and rocked you in my embrace.

I marveled at your tiny hands, I studied your tiny face.
I nuzzled you beneath my chin, I felt your breath so sweet.
I noted every little sigh, I stroked your tiny feet.
I smoothed your hair and hummed a tune, only you and I could know.
I dreamed of what you'd come to be when I'd watch you grow.
And I felt that I had found my Heaven here on earth,
As I held you safe and sound those few minutes after birth.
I held my breath as you held yours, I smiled as I watched you sleep.
The first time ever I held you, that memory I want to keep.
Sleep now my little baby, and let me hold you again in my arms.
Lay your head upon my chest, I'll keep you safe from harm.
The first time ever I held you... I've loved you from then on.