One of those days...

So, yesterday was one of those days... the kind of day that causes you to call up your own mother and thank her for not killing you as a child... because you know that she had "those" kind of days with you too.  My rotten day started at about 4 in the morning (well, I was up here and there before that nursing, but we'll just say it started at 4 am). 
My two year old, who should have been sleeping, was definitly not sleeping.  He didn't even seem to be tired at all.  You would think that a two and half year old would know how to sleep through the night by now, and if he wasn't so darn stubborn (like his daddy, and maybe his mommy too) then he would be.  But, instead, Jon Mark and I are constantly thowing our hands into the air as an expression that says, "I don't know what to do".  We've tried everything there is to try to get his sleep issues resolved.  We go a couple of weeks celebrating success, but then an illness, a nightmare, or sometimes nothing at all, will throw him off and our hands go shooting up into the air all over again.  Such was the case yesterday.

4 am was the beginning of a three hour battle, his will against my desire for sleep.  Sadly, I did not come out with a victory.  I ended up having to lock him in his room, something I hate to do because it makes him scream and cry, and I hoped that he would tire himself out and fall asleep.  It didn't work.  I ended up on the couch with Barney attempting to entertain. 

I blame the 4 o'clock waking for the the mood I was in the remainder of the day.  I'm sure you've experienced the lack of patience, mood swings, and tears that can sometimes accompany an overall sleepless state of mind.  Jon Mark thinks that it doesn't help that my "cycles" have began again (I was seriously hoping that that wouldn't return for a couple of months more, but oh well, it is what it is).  Suddenly, my lack of sleep caused me to experience an ugly myriad of emotions... I wasn't a good enough mother, I wasn't a patient enough wife, I didn't keep my bathrooms as clean as I should, and why wasn't I ever good at making my bed?  I just felt like a failure.  My mom came over to help me out with my kids and I broke down in tears.  I felt like I was in way over my head with this whole "being a grown-up" thing (yeah, I know I've been one for a while now, but you know what I mean).  Suddenly, I was questioning all of my discipline strategies and wondering if I was going to end up messing up my kids because I wasn't consistent enough or firm enough... blah blah blah!  My mom listened to me cry, she even cried herself as she thought back upon her own "just one of those days..." days, and she watched the kids for an hour while I got out of the house.  After the good cry, I felt more myself.  I haven't cried in a long time, that's the beauty of not having those blasted "cycles" for many moons. 

So how do I feel today???  Well, I feel A LOT better.  I may not be the perfect mom, or the perfect wife, but I do a good job trying my best at it.  And you know what???  I scrubbed my toilets and even made my bed today.  I think today is going to be a great day.